Although I was happy, it didn’t settle in my mind until a medical doctor confirmed the results. It was then, and only then, that I truly knew we were embarking on our way to meet the little one. Sure, I was happy when I found out it was a boy, but that was only because of the deflated idea that in a household of a boy and a girl, the boy would be the older one in defense of his sister.
Of course, this has been debunked, but if I tell you that every time we hear a new perspective, we automatically drop our previously held views, then I would not be realistic. Sometimes, ideas persist despite learning. Certain positions take longer to be rid of. Thus, before the critics highlight the area in need of modification, I hope that I have settled their minds.
I was told it was going to be a boy. A girl would not have made me any less happy. The reality is that I was praying for a healthy child. The journey from one to nine months did not prepare me for what came. Sure, the baby moved around, and you could feel it and/or observe the pushing of the stomach. But I did not have a real-life human for my hands to hold, my eyes to see, and my lips to kiss.
The day came, and ALJ came out with pecs, a head full of hair, and strong vocal cords (they remain strong to this day). Here was he who was there but yet was not known. For the first time, I stared at the little human with a great deal of love and affection and began to think of the words that continue to linger in my mind every day: I can’t believe he’s here. I can’t believe that I contributed to the creation of a real-life human being. For a first-timer, I can attest to it being much more than can be expressed in words.
Perhaps it is because I’m not as eloquent as some of you word wizards. Fortunately, none of that matters in a space that I’ve created to share what I’ve learned on this road called life. That being said, I was pulled quickly into feelings that seem to have been lying dormant. Just the very thought of something wrong being said or alluded to about him had my mind hovering in the goon mode area. Let me help you understand what I’m saying. My mind, all on its own (with no provocation), imagined what I would do to someone. I was on the border of being a hyper-goon. (To some extent, I still am.)
While there is a side of great love, there is another side that is just as intense.
I didn’t want to write any of this. I’m not much of an emotional writer. So when a few people asked me if I would write anything about my son or my journey as a father, I immediately imagined googly-eyed readers falling over the keystrokes of a father’s love. Relational and familial writing is not what gets me going. But on the occasion of the birth of my son, I thought I would jot down a few words, even if it is under the 1k word minimum that I usually set for my blogs.
He’s here. The world is a sweeter place.